Monday, Nora Miller, president of the soon-to-be-formerly-known-as Mississippi University for Women, announced the university’s new name — a change 42 years in the making.
With approval of the Mississippi Legislature, the university will be called Mississippi Brightwell University, or more colloquially, W$%!&#!!!!.
Suffice to say, the news was every bit as well-received as the Supreme Court ruling that made its current name obsolete all those years ago.
As best as I can make out, there were four distinct factions that have weighed in on the name change.
First, there was the group that understood the necessity of the name change and responded with bewildered approval. Brightwell, Miller explained, is a reference to a phrase etched into a panel of stained glass at the Orr Chapel on campus: “We study for light to bless with light.”
A bit esoteric, perhaps, but a noble thought worthy of an institution of higher learning.
Then there was the group that grudgingly accepted the reality that nobody goes around in poodle skirts and saddle shoes anymore, but prefers a name that retained the letter W as a way of acknowledging the university’s historic role in women’s education. They aren’t too picky about the W word chosen, either. Take your pick. Welty University (for all those students for whom hanging around two years is quite enough), West of Alabama University, Why U.
For these first two groups, you could split the difference and name it Whitelight, also historic (until 1966) but a problem in its own right.
The third group consists of those who would have opposed a name change even if it had been named after their own mamas. Their stand is one of defiance, almost to the point of paranoia. Look, nobody is going to come to your house and rip the framed MSCW or MUW diploma off your wall and replace it with a BMU diploma. If you want to continue to identify yourself as a W grad and call the school MUW, there will be no punishment.
For this group, any new name is a moot point.
Finally, there is the group that says the new name was chosen without regard to its “hidden meaning.”
This is my favorite group of all, I think.
It began with a single person who, upon hearing the proposed name, did what we all do when a well-educated white lady in her 60s uses an unfamiliar word: We assume it’s “street lingo.”
So naturally, this person turned to Urban Dictionary, an English-language online dictionary to define slang words and phrases most commonly used by young, urban people.
To his horror, he discovered a 2006 Urban Dictionary entry that defines Brightwell as “a sex addict.”
Well, we certainly can’t have that, even though it might have the desired effect on future male enrollment.
If this is true, it means that by choosing this name Miller “pulled a Millsaps” (Failed to stop an easily foreseeable, easily preventable, ridiculous event from happening – Urban Dictionary entry from 2007). We don’t like to speculate, but we certainly hope the decision wasn’t based on a fondness for “Belhaven” (A heavenly ale brewed by artisan Scots – Urban Dictionary entry from 2004). Certainly, we would hate to think that President Miller is an “Alcorn” (A girl who says one thing, but will do another if it will get her drunk, Urban Dictionary entry from 2008).
From this little gem of dubious distinction a whole group of people oppose the new name on the grounds that it is obscene.
I love it when people play fair like this. It always elevates the discussion.
Personally, I think the best course of action is to accept the name change in good faith and hope that it helps the university’s efforts to attract more students by creating less confusion about who can (or can’t) attend.
Take it from “Slim” (A guy who for some reason is always right on everything, and you and everyone else feels a strange trust with him – Urban Dictionary entry from 2015).
Slim Smith is a columnist and feature writer for The Dispatch. His email address is [email protected].
Slim Smith is a columnist and feature writer for The Dispatch. His email address is [email protected].
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