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The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship: A Toltec Wisdom Book Paperback – Big Book, March 30, 1999

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In The Mastery of Love, don Miguel Ruiz illuminates the fear-based beliefs and assumptions that undermine love and lead to suffering and drama in our relationships. Using insightful stories to bring his message to life, Ruiz shows us how to heal our emotional wounds, recover the freedom and joy that are our birthright, and restore the spirit of playfulness that is vital to loving relationships.

The Mastery of Love includes:

• Why "domestication" and the "image of perfection" lead to self-rejection
• The war of control that slowly destroys most relationships
• Why we hunt for love in others, and how to capture the love inside us
• How to finally accept and forgive ourselves and others

"Happiness can only come from inside of you and is the result of your love. When you are aware that no one else can make you happy, and that happiness is the result of your love, this becomes the greatest mastery of the Toltec: the Mastery of Love." — don Miguel Ruiz
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Editorial Reviews

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“In the tradition of Castaneda, Ruiz distills essential Toltec wisdom, expressing with clarity and impeccability what it means for men and women to live as peaceful warriors in the modern world.” — Dan Millman, author of Way of the Peaceful Warrior

About the Author

Don Miguel Ruiz is the bestselling author of The Four Agreements (a New York Times bestseller for over a decade), The Four Agreements Companion Book, The Mastery of Love, The Voice of Knowledge, The Circle of Fire, and The Fifth Agreement. The teachings of Ruiz are best known for transforming complex human issues into simple common sense — a talent that has earned him millions of fans and international acclaim.

Janet Mills is the founder and president of Amber-Allen Publishing and co-author, with don Miguel Ruiz, of six books in The Toltec Wisdom Series. Mills is also the creator of “The Four Agreements for a Better Life” online course, editor of Deepak Chopra’s bestselling title, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, and publisher of the world-renowned “Seth Books” by Jane Roberts.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Amber-Allen Publishing (March 30, 1999)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 210 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1878424424
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1878424426
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.06 x 0.6 x 7.25 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars 15,907 ratings

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4.8 out of 5 stars
4.8 out of 5
15,907 global ratings
Become the master of love
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This book changed my life. Everyone needs to read this book. Enough said.
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Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on February 25, 2009
This book has a lot of good information in it, and while I think it's information that we all know deep down, sometimes you need someone to plainly say it (or write it) to remind you. At least that is how it was in my case.

When I read it the first time I remember loving it, it was brilliant and while I didn't feel like I agreed with everything in it, a lot of what was taught in it shaped some of my views on love. At the time, I hadn't had much experience in relationships, in fact I think it was pretty recent after the end of my very first relationship. However, a lot of what was in this book really stuck with me, so just before Yule this year I took the time to run to the store and pick up two copies of it. One for my boyfriend (as a gift) and one for myself to read again. Really, I'm glad that I did.

Reading it this time, I feel like I agreed with a lot more of what he said, and that I soaked more of it in. It didn't do much to change how I feel about relationships or love, because they were pretty similar to begin with. It did reaffirm them for me though, and put into words a lot of how I felt. Enough that when I finished reading it I had the urge to pass it along, so that a certain friend of mine could take the time and read it, in hopes that it would reaffirm things for him. Especially the most important things that deal with self love, self destruction, the "Parasite" inside of us all, and how the way others act should not affect us and vice versa. It really opened my eyes, and I feel like sharing the knowledge I feel I've gained from it. I'll probably buy it again in a few months.

This book really speaks towards the way society can implant negative thoughts on us, and how we can be raised to believe them. We are all born innocent and full of love, and somewhere along the way we learn how to be distrustful, and how to be hurt, and to be hurtful in return. Our parents learned this while they grew, and they (along with the rest of society) then teach it to us as we grow up, and the cycle continues ever onward. Personally, I would hope that I have the strength to stop that cycle, and leave my children full of love and respect.

Another thing it tells us, is the story of "The Man Who Didn't Believe in Love", which is now one of my favorite legends. It tells of a man who went around giving lectures on the non-existence of love, because so many people use it to manipulate each other. He says "love is like a drug" because in each relationship you have the "dealer" of the "drug" and the person who is addicted and keeps coming back for more. The stronger partner deals out the love, and the weaker tries to soak up as much of it as they can, and they take any abuse the dealer gives out too, because they think they need it so badly and that they can't get it anywhere else. He vows that he does not believe in love, because he has had many such experiences and refuses to let anyone manipulate him with this false emotion.

So this man is walking through the park one day and he comes across a woman who is sitting in the grass crying. He stops to console her, and asks her why she is crying, and she replies "I am crying because love does not exist." The man is astounded, because he has finally found a woman who feels the same way he does. He talks to her, they develop a friendship, and soon they are spending all their time together. They never fight, and they never expect anything from each other, they have the perfect bond. One day when the man is away, he is contemplating his relationship with the woman. He realizes that what he feels for her must actually be love, and that he had been wrong all along. Love does exist, and it is much more pure and beautiful than anything he'd ever experienced. The man is so excited that he rushes home immediately to tell her how he feels about her. She, in turn, replies that she has felt this way for quite some time and has been afraid to tell him because of his disbelief in the emotion.

The legend then tells that the man is so happy, that he goes outside and sends his happiness into the universe. His happiness is so large that it pulls a star down into his hands and he hurries to give it to the woman. The happiness is so overwhelming, that for a moment the woman hesitates, and in that moment of doubt she drops it and it shatters. Now there is a man who is wandering the Universe, broken and lonely because he once again believes that love does not exist. There is also a woman who sits at home waiting for the man who once loved her, feeling remorse for that one moment of doubt that ruined their relationship.

So in asking yourself who was in the wrong, was it the woman who doubted for a moment? No, it was the man who decided to place his entire happiness in someones hands. If we place all of our happiness in the control of others, how can we ever expect to be happy? It is entirely up to us to be happy, and if we choose to be happy with someone else, we're all the better. We cannot rely on them to make us happy.

The book delves into quite a bit more information regarding loving yourself and being a whole person. It also emphasizes my previous belief that you have to be happy on your own, if you can ever be happy with anyone else. You have to love yourself to fully love another, and you have to be an equal part to a relationship, and not rely on them. It is the same with friends, family, and anyone you encounter.

In any case, I highly recommend this book to anyone, even if you read it simply to remind yourself of what you knew before. He has at least 3 other books that go along with it, and I plan on reading them as well.

Remember, God = Love and God is inside of you.

So YOU = LOVE.
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Reviewed in the United States on May 8, 2024
I purchased this as a gift. The recipient loved it and actually recommended it to a friend for purchase as well.
Reviewed in the United States on May 5, 2024
Amazing book. This actually helped with my grieving of a relationship. It also shed light on relationships that I should not have had.
Reviewed in the United States on April 27, 2024
Easy straight forward read. So very interesting concepts. Easy to follow ideas conveyed. Liked the metaphors to explain rational thought.
Reviewed in the United States on April 24, 2024
Perfect for me and I reread occasional
Reviewed in the United States on March 3, 2010
This book is a deceptively quick read -- publishers know that many people don't like books to have a low page count, so they use tricks like double-spacing to make text seem longer. I calculated there's an average of 250 words per page in this book.

There is some very good, very useful, very important information in this book about what is love and how it works. But I think it would have been better if Chapter 10 and everything thereafter hadn't been included -- these sections are just a bunch of mumbo-jumbo healing and forgiveness lectures that I certainly didn't need and I can imagine many other readers wouldn't either. It gave the otherwise very insightful book a kind of old-traumatized-ex-hippie feel that I think detracted from it as a whole. Plus I found that it was making me feel guilty for already feeling good about myself! (For example there's a big section where the author assumes that you think you're ugly and so tries to convince you that you don't need to be beautiful -- but if you didn't have any self esteem issues in that area when you go into it, it just kind of makes you feel rotten and vain to read what he says.)

So, overall I do recommend the book for its valuable ideas and observations about love, but I would say skip the last few chapters. I recommend this book often because it really does have very valuable insights about love and how people perceive it.
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Reviewed in the United States on April 23, 2024
Enjoying it so far
Reviewed in the United States on April 4, 2024
There are 3 steps to healing emotional wounds, this book helped me find the last step to heal and close up the wounds and move forward! Self Love!
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Top reviews from other countries

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Karina
5.0 out of 5 stars Easy and amazing read
Reviewed in Canada on November 17, 2023
First off I love the fact that the way it’s written is very simple, almost sounds like you are reading a conversation which makes it an amazing book for non-readers like myself.
This book was INCREDIBLE! I just got out of a relationship and was feeling rather lost and this book is like your wise father giving you life advice, it was so insightful and positive. The author really highlights such simple yet important things that I think a lot of us miss when we are looking for love.
Absolutely 10/10 book I highly recommend it ESPECIALLY to very spiritual and/or religious people as this book does have a rather spiritual type of feel to it because the author mentions god and spirits and such.
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Karina
5.0 out of 5 stars Easy and amazing read
Reviewed in Canada on November 17, 2023
First off I love the fact that the way it’s written is very simple, almost sounds like you are reading a conversation which makes it an amazing book for non-readers like myself.
This book was INCREDIBLE! I just got out of a relationship and was feeling rather lost and this book is like your wise father giving you life advice, it was so insightful and positive. The author really highlights such simple yet important things that I think a lot of us miss when we are looking for love.
Absolutely 10/10 book I highly recommend it ESPECIALLY to very spiritual and/or religious people as this book does have a rather spiritual type of feel to it because the author mentions god and spirits and such.
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One person found this helpful
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Buen libro
5.0 out of 5 stars Favorito
Reviewed in Mexico on May 20, 2023
Todo el mundo tiene que leerlo!!!!
BelaFr
5.0 out of 5 stars Inspirador
Reviewed in Brazil on February 20, 2023
Muito bom o livro, linguagem acessível e fala muito sobre a vida, sentimentos, o que é amor, como lidar com as pessoas etc
Nitya Sadhana
5.0 out of 5 stars Mind blowing book
Reviewed in India on December 15, 2023
It is thought provoking, life changing book. And in such a simple language, it doesn't fail to impress
Shannon Williams
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing book, great writing, profound wisdom.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 22, 2020
An incredible read! Don Miguel Ruiz is an absolute genius and wiseman, I finished this book as quickly as a started it and the lessons within and the wisdom within is so worth the time it takes to read... I feel so much more enlightened in my day to day interactions not just with my partner but with many individuals in my personal and prfessional life.
One person found this helpful
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