As the top dog in Volvo's lineup, the S80 offers a full cache of safety features. Order the radar-based adaptive cruise control ($1495), and an added benefit is the collision-warning sensor that alerts you of a potential crash by flashing LEDs into a head-up display and beeping. Unlike the more sophisticated system on Acuras and upper-crust Benzes that can automatically apply the brakes, the Volvo system leaves the responsibility to the driver. Another safety option is BLIS (blind-spot information system), which uses small cameras mounted in the rearview mirrors to monitor traffic around the vehicle. As cars pass next to the S80, a small light near the A-pillar illuminates to indicate that changing lanes probably isn't a good idea. Or you can save $595 and adjust your mirrors so that you don't have a blind spot.

But the feature that crosses the line between being concerned about safety and make-an-appointment-with-a-therapist paranoia is the so-called heartbeat sensor. Part of the $495 personal car communicator (PCC) option that brings keyless unlocking and starting, PCC adds an information button to the remote. Press the "i" button, and provided the car is within range, the S80 will tell you what state the car is in. If it's locked or unlocked, the remote will illuminate a light next to the unlock or lock button, if the alarm is tripped, a light illuminates around the hazard symbol on the remote. This is where things get a little weird. If the alarm is set off, the S80 activates its "heartbeat" sensor that Volvo claims is sensitive enough to detect the beating of a human heart. So, if you approach the car in a spooky place on a dark night, the system is capable of telling you if thieves are, in fact, inside your car at that very moment. Apparently, the Swedes mistook A Clockwork Orange to be a documentary about life in America. But if Volvo is so worried about our safety, then why doesn't the S80 have a spare tire, or even run-flats? Maybe the Swedes missed the Kurt Russell film Breakdown.

At best the S80 is eminently rational and sensible, which is another way of saying dull. For $48,045 the S80 offers V-8 sounds and acceleration for slightly less than its European peers, a handsome if familiar exterior and interior, and all-wheel drive. However, our safety-laden S80 came in at a sticker-shocking $56,025, and it didn't have a navigation system. For that money, we expect dynamic entertainment, not boredom. Just by chance, a Jaguar S-type 4.2 was paying us a visit at the same time as the S80. One editor (granted, he's British) declared that the S-type was more entertaining, involving, and preferable to the S80. Although we accused him of being a chauvinist, we didn't, in fact, disagree. In our last comparison test of this segment ["Spoilsport Sedans," C/D, May 2005], a similar S-type 4.2 finished eighth of eight. Guess where the S80 would have ended up.

 

MARK GILLIES

For $56,025, a car had better be pretty darned good. It should be terrific and have the right badge on the hood. The problem for the S80 is that it is merely perfectly nice -- and that doesn't cut it against Infiniti, Mercedes, and BMW. The S80 will likely please the nanny crowd, those people who will appreciate that it has more (safety system) acronyms than a Pentagon briefing, but this car is as bland as a late-night celebrity interview, V-8 engine note excepted.

MICHAEL AUSTIN

The exhaust note is terrific, and the clean layout of the interior is a welcome vacation from the cluttered and beknobbed cabins of other luxury cars, but the S80 barely leaves any impression. The performance and the value are adequate but not noteworthy. With safety features that now border on obsessive-compulsive, the personality of the stylish S80 recalls the boxy and sensible Volvo days of yore. Maybe the S80 is good for comfort and peace of mind, but even with the V-8, it fails to quicken my enthusiast heartbeat.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders is the reference tool physicians use to categorize and diagnose disorders afflicting the mind. It's actually a fascinating read because of its careful definitions of problems from anxiety to depression to various personality disorders. As with most medical books, too much reading leads eventually to hypochondria. We mention this not because we were trying to discover the root of the irascible Ed.'s behavior, but because after many miles behind the wheel of Volvo's new S80, we wondered what sort of personality disorder this big Swedish sedan might have that was keeping us from connecting with it. Then we realized that a prerequisite for a personality disorder is a personality. Try as we might to uncover it, the S80 exhibited no trace of a personality. Gothenburg, we have a problem.

Playing in a thoroughly competitive car segment, where well-established players BMW, Audi, Mercedes, Lexus, and Infiniti brim with character, the S80 offers all the flavor of Wasa crispbread, which is like eating particle board, but Swedes find it delectable. Part of the trouble is that the S80 doesn't seem to know what it wants to be when it grows up. This identity confusion can be seen in the various settings the car offers. Order the $2495 Sport package, and you get three settings (low, medium, and high) for steering effort and three suspension settings. Chassis stiffness varies from slightly too soft (comfort), to almost right (sport), to just wrong (advanced). No matter the setting, the suspension and the structure are noisier and harsher than those of the S80's German rivals. With all these settings, Volvo seems to say, "We don't know what this car should be. You figure it out." But try as we might, we couldn't find a combination that made the S80 feel lively or excited about its existence. No matter what steering-effort setting we selected, the wheel lacked the feedback one finds in a 5-series or M35/M45. There is, on the other hand, good on-center feel, so the S80 excels at cruising in a straight line, but if you gravitate toward roads with the twists of a small intestine, there are other choices in the segment that are more satisfying.

Photograph, White, Technology, Electronic device, Plastic, Machine, Grey, Gadget, Design, Home game console accessory, pinterest
AARON KILEY

The problem is that the S80 handles like a front-drive car. That's not a surprise considering this Volvo carries 61.5 percent of its weight over the front wheels. Aside from the front-weight bias, the front-wheel-drive feel can also be traced to the all-wheel-drive system that sends 95 percent of the V-8's power to the front wheels in normal driving. So, unlike its rear-drive or rear-drive-based all-wheel-drive competition, the S80 is essentially a front-drive car (six-cylinder Volvo models are in fact only available with front drive) adapted to all-wheel drive.

Front-drive handling characteristics are rarely desirable, but it's a death sentence in a segment where rear-wheel drive and balanced weight distribution and handling are the norm. An electronically controlled center clutch pack will send as much as 50 percent of the power rearward if wheelslip is detected, but unlike the more sophisticated all-wheel-drive system in the Acura RL, which is designed to provide rear-wheel-drive handling with all-wheel-drive traction under acceleration, Volvo's AWD system seems set up solely to increase the traction under acceleration. With the stability control switched off (it's never fully off, however, and will insist on intervening if it determines that you're getting the car too far out of line), the S80 will briefly power oversteer, but the car doesn't exactly revel in, or encourage, this sort of hooliganism. The 0.87 g of lateral grip is impressive, but most of the credit for that number should go to the wide Pirelli P Zero Rosso tires that come with the Sport package.

Motor vehicle, Steering part, Mode of transport, Brown, Product, Steering wheel, Automotive mirror, Center console, Photograph, White, pinterest
AARON KILEY

The one burst of sunshine in the Swedish winter of our discontent is the Yamaha-built 60-degree V-8 engine screaming between the front wheels. Identical to the V-8 in the XC90 sport-ute, the all-aluminum engine displaces 4.4 liters and puts out 311 horsepower and 325 pound-feet of torque. Perhaps due to its not ideal 60-degree bank angle, the V-8 delivers a raucous intake snarl at full throttle. It's a pleasure to hear a V-8 working hard, and the sound is the most sporting aspect of the S80 experience. At 4179 pounds, the S80 is heavier than most others of its class, but the V-8 has 792 fewer pounds to contend with than in the XC90, and the result is a 0-to-60 time of 5.7 seconds — a few ticks slower than its more expensive V-8 rivals but quicker than comparably priced six-cylinder variants. The engine is perfectly matched to a six-speed automatic with manumatic override and all-wheel drive. Quick downshifts and healthy torque make for stress-free passing well into triple-digit speeds. Premium fuel consumption during our drive was V-8-like at 14 mpg, just shy of the 17 mpg of the EPA's city cycle and far short of the 25 mpg highway number.

Motor vehicle, Mode of transport, Vehicle, Car, White, Vehicle door, Car seat, Steering wheel, Car seat cover, Fixture, pinterest
AARON KILEY

It's easy to creep into big-ticket territory in the S80. An absence of wind noise, comfortable and supportive seats, and the aforementioned accurate on-center steering make the S80 feel secure at autobahn speeds. Inside, the S80 is a serene (66 decibels at 70 mph) and calming environment that is an evolution of Volvo's interior design. A floating center console, similar to the one in the S40, houses climate and radio controls. Attractive and striking pewter-like switchgear and bezels are peppered throughout, and for traditionalists, there are swaths of polished wood on the doors and dash. Simple yet elegant tachometer and speedometer gauges sit next to each other and house digital displays for fuel level, trip-computer readouts, and various warning messages. Interior materials are first-rate, and the graining on many of the plastics is unlike anything we've seen before in a car. Rear-seat room feels better than in a 5-series or E-class and about on par with that of an A6. The interior is by no means groundbreaking and the competition also offers luxurious cabins, but Scandinavian design permeates every aspect of the S80's interior, and that may be enough for those loyal to the throne of King Carl Gustaf.

Headshot of Tony Quiroga
Tony Quiroga
Editor-in-Chief

Tony Quiroga is a 20-year-veteran Car and Driver editor, writer, and car reviewer and the 19th editor-in-chief for the magazine since its founding in 1955. He has subscribed to Car and Driver since age six. "Growing up, I read every issue of Car and Driver cover to cover, sometimes three or more times. It's the place I wanted to work since I could read," Quiroga says. He moved from Automobile Magazine to an associate editor position at Car and Driver in 2004. Over the years, he has held nearly every editorial position in print and digital, edited several special issues, and also helped produce C/D's early YouTube efforts. He is also the longest-tenured test driver for Lightning Lap, having lapped Virginia International Raceway's Grand Course more than 2000 times over 12 years.