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Love, Theoretically

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Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Best Romance (2023)
The many lives of theoretical physicist Elsie Hannaway have finally caught up with her. By day, she’s an adjunct professor, toiling away at grading labs and teaching thermodynamics in the hopes of landing tenure. By other day, Elsie makes up for her non-existent paycheck by offering her services as a fake girlfriend, tapping into her expertly honed people pleasing skills to embody whichever version of herself the client needs.

Honestly, it’s a pretty sweet gig—until her carefully constructed Elsie-verse comes crashing down. Because Jack Smith, the annoyingly attractive and broody older brother of her favorite client, turns out to be the cold-hearted experimental physicist who ruined her mentor’s career and undermined the reputation of theorists everywhere. And that same Jack who now sits on the hiring committee at MIT, right between Elsie and her dream job.

Elsie is prepared for an all-out war of scholarly sabotage but…those long, penetrating looks? Not having to be anything other than her true self when she’s with him? Will falling into an experimentalist’s orbit finally tempt her to put her most guarded theories on love into practice?

389 pages, Paperback

First published June 13, 2023

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About the author

Ali Hazelwood

13 books108k followers
I'm Ali, and I write contemporary romcom novels about women in STEM and academia. I love cats, Nutella, and side ponytails. I'm also currently learning to crochet, so as you can tell I'm a super busy gal with an intense and exciting life!

I only use Goodreads as a reader, to review and hype books that I've loved (many of these book are ARCs received from fellow authors).

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Profile Image for Zoe.
338 reviews1,900 followers
June 21, 2023
edit: the word 'big' in relation to jack was mentioned 12 times which is 11 times too often

Before I even think about starting this review I need you to know two words: lesbians and STEM

Do I have your attention now? I should hope so because those two words are going to blow your fucking mind.

i need you all to know and advocate for George and Dora to get thier own romance book written by Ali herself, they are the most iconic people ever. George (Georgina) is a awesome physics women in stem and Dora makes souvolaki, people who know how to make suvolaki are next level cool. Nothing can change my mind. AND George is friends with Bee from Love on the Brain, HELLO Bee and Levi cameo. We can have a STEM Cinematic Universe where the character are all friends in some way. That would be epic. But im getting carried away. We need to advocate for a queer queens to get there lesbian women in stem romance. I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE no you dont understand its not a want, but a need

So, with that out of the way onto what you are actually here for, my thoughts on the books. And imma tell you right now that they are messy. Like toddler painting kinda messy.

So grab your popcorn, take a seat in front of the fire and let's get ready to RUMBLLEEEE
*at this point imagine two boxers in a fighting ring, both representing my differing opinions*

Okay so first lets not start with the positive because pshhh that soooo boring so lets start with what I found similar to the other two books which is an overarching theme in the Ali Hazelwood Cinematic Universe.

Honestly, it's not as similar as i thought it would be (referancing my previous review down bellow) but with that said there were still a heap ton of tropes and similarities to her other books.

Lets have a chat about aroace chat and the spectrum hmn. I have noticed ali includes this in almost all of her novels. It was included in The Love Hypothesis and god forbid we mention that sex scene in Under One Roof it still remains with me no matter how much i try to purge it from my brain. And now im this book, now i am no expert when it comes to aroace rep but i feel like she always goes with the: ‘ive never wanted to have sex i dont know whats wrong with me’ line and that is so wrong.

Now, there is one word that i cannot get behind and that is the use of the word “Daddy” I hate it so much. And i sould not be reading the word ‘daddy’ in a science romance book! It is simply unnacpetable and I will not stand for it. It was used in Love on the Brain and now this book. It will stop with this book. You hear me Ali Hazelwood?

From me to you, we can both agree that miscommunication and down to earth stupidity is something we both wholeheartedly hate right? Yes well, funny you should agree because in this book and in Love on the Brain the male love interest very patently tells them: “I DO NOT hate you I AM NOT WHO I WAS ALL THOSE YEARS AGO” somehow the amazingly smart and illtellegent women in stem still think these men hate them after literally three whole freeking pages of him telling her he doesnt and how he felt the entire trajectory of their relationship (from meeting to current) and i swear to you all the girls brain power must be directed towards academic because the have none, nada, ZERO emotional intellegence EVEN AFTER BEING TOLD STRAIGHT TO THERE FACE
Woah, this really rubbed me the wrong way, because it happened in TWO BOOKS and the guy is always so patient and nice. If i was in the situation god knows what I would do. Screw their heads on straight probably. They definatly need it.

We all know that Ali Hazelwood loves to tell us every.single.page that the love interest is big and tall and ginormous and takes up all space. Granted she still did it here but toned it down a lot my personal favourites were:

“like how could i miss him when hes standing next to Adam Carlson. Theyre the Mount Rushmore of STEM academia”

“He is……well, he is big. And well muscled, very well muscled”


And saving the best for last: “His giant paws tightened around me”
Think about that for a while won’t you?

Lets talk about what I liked hmn? Why don’t you refil your popcorn and water you’ll be needing it.

So, the thing I loved the most is that I had fun. I had so much fun reading the physics jokes and the story as a whole. The writing was so much better than her previous books. Praise the lord that they both had a personality and we got to know stuff about them (i didnt even know Adam was an evolutionary biologist until this book(how freaking cool is that as a job? Ogkjdfjefbdhbdhjsk I would kill to talk to someone with his knowlege and intelligence) like that's how little we got told about Adam) but in this book we got Jack's job upbringing and morals. It was good to have a more layered story than usual and still have fun. Usually Ali throws tropes into a mixing bowl and hopes for a delicious cake but thankfully it was a flowy story and that was not the case. In The Love Hypothesis there was trope after trope, as if to make readers happy and it did but gosh there was a lot jam packed in there.

George was my favouite character of this entire book. She's my idol in life. She has many publications in physics, is super cool and has a wife that can make souvlaki. Now if you cant tell i really live Dora and George and i need their story now. I am deeply in love with both of them.

I loved Elsies character development from extreme people pleaser(coming from a people pleaser) to her own person. It was so fun to see, especially with Jack helping her and calling her bullshit out.

My most favourite thing of all was ofc the cameo from Adam and Olive and the friend group with all the cool science people. that in my opinion was the best part of the book and that's why we need a george and Dora book so we can have more of that

Now that all the boring stuff is out of the way let's get into what I didnt like because this is the real juicy stuff

I hated the main characters actual name: Jonathan, but only because thats name of a close relative of mine and it's weird to read a romance with their name in it
And that name? Jack Smith? I still stand by my clain that that sounds like the most old white man that throws money at stuff to make it go away guy. Honestly add some spice, some paprika, lemon peper, cinnamon to make it taste better on the tongue.

I got the scene, that as a millennial Ali was trying to be ‘hip’ and be ‘down wid it’ as the first few chapters really showed me

In the very first chapter we got told her favourite movie was Twilight (pop culture reference is not good, we dont like that) and honestly her professor should have failed him because she liked twilight. I strongly dislike that movie and so personally i agree with the proffesor. there i said it. and yk what idc if its wrong.

I think Ali is trying to live through her characters, I can see her personality come through her books and not in a good way. She includes ‘quirks’ because women in stem have to be unique and quirky. (as a woman in stem i can tell you i'm not. I read, study, and listen to Taylor Swift. So not very quirky at all) There was a quote she put in that made me feel like Ali was justifying her opinions:

”Not that there would be anything wrong: sex work is legitamite work, and people that engage in it are just as deserving of respect as ballerinas, or firefighters or hedge fund managers”

I mean she's not wrong, but we didnt need to include it in a romance novel did we? So that's now my biggest problem, that she includes her own shit into romance novels. but i guess thats how i perceve it. Like social issues in books i dislike because i want a whole different world without all the shit that happens in this book.

NB: Riddle me this: miss people pleaser can't tell her best friend her favourite movie was twilight but can tell her client???

Okayyyy, I think I'm done, now get up and stretch your legs, it's been a long read. Go to the wharepaku (toilet) and i will leave you with this:

we need lesbian women in stem romance book, george and Dora are right there Ali, USE THEM



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{About this review below, yes it was insensitive for me to write a review before I read a book, but it was my opinion from reading the blurb so I am not sorry I did it}

{this review is based off the synopsis i have not been given an arc}

I asked and Miss Hazelwood did not deliver.

This book looks like an exact carbon copy of Love on the Brain and The Love Hypothesis mashed together

"Rival physicists collide in a vortex of academic feuds and fake dating shenanigans in this delightfully STEMinist romcom"

Sound familiar??

In The Love Hypothesis Adam and Olive fake dated
In Love on the Brain Levi and Bee were rivals in collage

"By day, she’s an adjunct professor, toiling away at grading labs and teaching thermodynamics in the hopes of landing tenure. By other day, Elsie makes up for her non-existent paycheck by offering her services as a fake girlfriend"

Again In Love on the Brain Bee was a scientist by day and a social media STEM infulence by night. Seems like all her characters have two 'personas'

Jack Smith, the annoyingly attractive and broody older brother of her favorite client, turns out to be the cold-hearted experimental physicist who ruined her mentor’s career and undermined the reputation of theorists everywhere

again, sounds familiar??

In The Love Hypothesis Adam was known for turning people thesis down because 'they wernt good enough' he was known as cold hearted and scary.
In Love on the Brain, Bee thought Levi ruined her career.

Also what kind of simple ass name is Jack Smith, please choose something more interesting for flavour.

Elsie is prepared for an all-out war of scholarly sabotage but…those long, penetrating looks? Not having to be anything other than her true self when she’s with him? Will falling into an experimentalist’s orbit finally tempt her to put her most guarded theories on love into practice?

I bet you that this book will be that the girl finds out how soft and sweet he is under that scary persona and he'll only be nice to her





Even the covers look the same

I rest my case

thank you for coming to my TED talk

p.s i will still be reading this because well women in stem what am i to do? already not enough around so despite my hypothesis (get ittt) i will still be reading and lets hope that I am dead wrong







.........................
this looks like every other Ali Hazelwood book ESPECIALLY THE LOVE HYPOTHESIS IT LOOKS THE EXACT SAME
But at least he doesn’t have black hair right? Let’s take what we can get

…………………

Ali

Please don’t become a one hit wonder. Do something different.

Love Zoe
Profile Image for Nilufer Ozmekik.
2,539 reviews51.7k followers
May 10, 2024
The queen of STEM romance, the creator of the quirkiest, nerdiest, most entertaining, likable, and huggable characters is back! And she's returned with my all-time favorite trope: enemies to lovers!

I can honestly say this is my favorite book of hers because it's funnier, sexier, and quirkier! Did I mention that Jack Smith is the best book boyfriend she's ever created? That sulking, intense, intelligent man knows how to make a girl happy! He's passionate, but he perfectly controls himself to put Elsie's needs first. He's caring, patient, and gentle. I loved him!

Let me introduce you to dear Elsie, who deserves ten thousand hugs. She has a Ph.D. in theoretical physics. When she couldn't get an academic position, she resorted to fake-dating to pay off her student loans. Even though she still lives in a crappy apartment with her bestie Cece, she remains hopeful that she'll find a better position in the near future. She still manages to keep her head above water as an adjunct professor, teaching five different classes, grading labs, and reading her students' very sincere emails (those emails made my week! I laughed too hard!). Meanwhile, her mother forces her to become a negotiator to solve her big brothers' extra immature problems they've gotten themselves into!

Elsie's weakness is that she doesn't know the meaning of "no"! She can never say the word! She molds herself into a different character for each person in her life, putting their needs first. That's why she never thinks about what she really wants from the universe!

Then, her path crosses with her nemesis. She finds out that Jack Smith, the brooding but charismatic brother of her best fake-dating customer Greg, is the same person who wrote an article that ruined her mentor's career! Unfortunately, he's also the man who's in charge of the physics department at MIT and one of the decision-makers who will decide if she's the right candidate for her dream job. Jack supports another candidate for the job and is shocked to find out that Elsie is not the librarian girlfriend of her brother, as he was led to believe. As an experimental theorist, he has every intention of rejecting to work with a theorist!

Elsie has no intention of giving up her dream job without a fight. She's determined to fight against the man who gets under her skin. Yes, she finds him very attractive. Yes, she wants to rip his clothes off and kiss him senseless, then punch him in the face. But she can restrain her feelings to be professional, right? Oh, you already know the answer!

Overall, Elsie and Jack were dynamite! I loved their dialogues, hilarious banters, and blazing chemistry! This is my favorite work of the author! I wish I could give it more than five stars!

Special thanks to NetGalley and Berkley Publishing for sharing this amazing digital reviewer copy with me in exchange for my honest opinions.

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Profile Image for SK.
421 reviews6,073 followers
June 21, 2023
"You could be my entire world. If you let me."
"I think I will."


So conflicted thoughts.. It's not a bad rating, I did enjoy it but there were things which could have been better.

✔️ Enemies to lovers
✔️ STEM romance
✔️ She is dating his brother (in a way)
✔��� Witty banter
✔️ Slow burn
✔️ Twilight references (lots of them)
✔️ Adam and Olive cameo

Firstly, let me start by saying this one was so much better than Love on the Brain. I hated that one so much. *sigh* Or maybe it's the fact that it's been long since I read The Love Hypothesis that this was enjoyable. Although, there are few similarities to TLH but it's not overbearing.

Like Adam and Olive, and unlike Bee and Levi Elsie and Jack are unique and true to themselves. But if you are looking for them to recreate the same magic as in TLH, you will be disappointed. Cause the two here, are quite forgettable and bland. Elsie, is not a bad FMC, she is quite relatable in some places and such a pushover in others that it gets a bit frustrating. However she stays true to her personality- being a people pleaser. I did like how she was able to be her true self around Jack. Jack is not like Adam and that's simply put. Don't get me wrong, he is nice, kind and respectful but he is also boring. I like that he's paying attention to details, calling Elsie out on her bs, and always so open to her but there's no firepower in him. He's just there.

"I have these elaborate daydreams that Im feeding you a five course meal I hunted, field dressed and prepare all by myself."

Coming to the romance, it was okay-ish. I enjoyed some of their moments together. I LOVED the Twilight references. I enjoyed the first half when Jack was trying to figure Elsie out, especially when she was involved with Greg. But the two had very little heat. It was not angsty. The slow burn was too slow. The spice was not spice, it was just salt and pepper. The fact that the two kept talking and talking and talking and talking and talking while trying to figure out where to put his fingers and dick in..it was too late. Look, I appreciate he wants to be sure she wants it but how many times does she have to repeat herself 😭😭 Also the fact she kept pushing him for sex after knowing how clear he made it that he wants things slow- 🚩🚩 In my opinion, I would prefer that Ali Hazelwood writes a clean romance rather than whatever tf she thinks is smut.

I really loved the Adam and Olive cameo, even for a short while they radiated power, chemistry and all things good. The ending was okay. Doesn't really end big.

Overall, an enjoyable read but quite forgettable. I actually forgot the FMCs name the moment I closed the book so 🤷‍♀️ Am just glad it was better than Love on the Brain.

~•~•~

Lets gooooo
Pls don't disappoint

~•~•~

Love the cover but I swear if this is the Love Hypothesis 3.0 I'm gonna lose it. I need Ali Hazelwood to prove to me (and the rest of the world) that she's not a one hit wonder 👀
Profile Image for emma.
2,106 reviews66.7k followers
May 9, 2024
if you've ever wanted to read a sciencey, quirky romance filled with tumblr-esque pop culture references and toddler-age memes about a huge, serious, no-nonsense dickwad man who manages to have gleaming abs and marvel-esque biceps despite being a nerd who ostensibly lives inside of a laboratory, lifting nothing heavier than chalk and bunsen burners, as he meets a goofy not-like-other-girls Woman In Stem whose various traumas and backstories and mildly inconvenient past relationships mean she's searching for a daddy to daughter her up looking for love in all the wrong places, i.e., not looking at all because she doesn't need a man, only science, bad internal dialogue, and her own personality (read: allotted ration of problematic personal relationships, adorkable food obsessions, and single nerdy non-academic interest), plus a sex scene or two that will include at least one turn of phrase cursed to sear into your retinas for the rest of time...

you should read this book.

and every other ali hazelwood book.

because they're all the same.

that's the review.

bottom line: i have to stop reading these.

---------------------
tbr review

sigh.

yeah okay i'll read it
Profile Image for Ayman.
256 reviews108k followers
August 8, 2023
i’m shitting mascara. this is what my veins needed. idc what y’all have to say about this author writing the same shit, different font in all of her books. i was entertained, that’s all i needed.

elsie is by far my favorite fmc from ali. fr had me LOLing read a book. she is so me coded. this book was everything it needed to be. i love the chemistry, dynamic, tension, and feud between elsie and jack. and jack-my gawwd- is so pathetic over her, it made my scalp tingle. there was something so deeply poetic when he mentioned he has this fantasy in which he “hunts something and cooks it for her” …idk it fr had me smiling like a psychopath…

i also enjoyed the academic part of this book which usually i’d find myself skimming through but ali made it interesting i guess.

also the adam + olive cameo 😭🩷🩵💙 i love and miss them so much!
Profile Image for Annie.
243 reviews22 followers
June 15, 2023
I just want to know why Ali Hazelwood is obsessed with the idea that being a woman in STEM is the most miserable possible experience. I'm not saying that there's not misogyny in STEM and/or academia, but I also think that it's incredibly unhelpful to repeatedly say that if you're a woman in STEM that you're going to be undermined, manipulated, gaslit, miserable, and broke until a 6'4" man with a giant dick comes and saves you
Profile Image for Heather Mclarry.
248 reviews29.4k followers
July 2, 2023
YA KNOW WHAT THE VIBES WERE 5 stars. I have not laughed out loud that much in a WHILE.
Profile Image for Ali Goodwin.
229 reviews28k followers
February 4, 2024
I have given every adult romance by Ali Hazelwood 4-5⭐️s and this book is no exception! I loveeeee how relatable Elsie is because she’s a people pleaser (I unfortunately relate to that too much haha). But I also feel like I learned about so many new things through her character like what it’s like to have diabetes and be a physics professor.

I also think the plot is so unique. Elsie is a part time fake girlfriend which was SO fun to read about.
Profile Image for katia.
320 reviews543 followers
Want to read
October 26, 2022
please be different from the last two please be different from the last two please be different from the last two
Profile Image for Yun.
549 reviews27.3k followers
January 30, 2024
I love Ali Hazelwood, but this one stretched my incredulity to the limit. No one can possibly be this much of a doormat, can they?

Elsie is slaving away as an adjunct professor teaching too many classes to make ends meet. She supplements her meager earnings by being a fake girlfriend, putting her people-pleasing tendencies to good use. When a chance at her dream job arises, the only thing standing in her way is Jack, the annoying older brother of someone she's fake-dating, who also happens to be on her interview committee. But do they really hate each other or is it more like they secretly have the hots for each other? Ha!

I really enjoyed the first half of this story. It starts strong with all of the hallmarks I love from Ali Hazelwood—snark, banter, science, smart female in STEM, and puns. I was breezing through it, smiling and chuckling to myself on pretty much every sentence. No one does funny situations and dialogues quite like Hazelwood, and she had me in stitches.

I'll grant you that the premise is a bit out there. What are the odds that the guy Elsie is hating/lusting after, is also the brother of a guy she's fake-dating, while also being the only person who almost beat her at Go, while also being the guy who irreparably damaged her field of study back in the day, while also being the head of the physics department at MIT where she is interviewing? I'll tell you what, it's 100% according to this book.

But as the story went on, Elsie started to annoy me. First, she refuses to believe that Jack is attracted to her even though he tells her so on multiple occasions. At one point, she even interprets him saying "Can I take you out?" as he wants to murder her mob-style. Like what?

Elsie also takes people-pleasing to heretofore-unseen heights. She lies to her roommate about pretty much every preference she has. She runs interference for her brothers at her mom's behest even though she doesn't want to. And she must get her mentor's approval before accepting a job offer that would give her several times her current salary and health insurance. Have mercy! My eyeballs were bruised from all the rolling.

It's no secret that I prefer my female characters to be strong and smart, ready to kick ass and save the world. Elsie is strong in her work, but the opposite in every other way. And slowly, over many demure "You can't possibly like me," it started to grate on my nerves. Not even Hazelwood's many comedic reliefs can save it from such never-ending waffling and meekness.

This may just have been a case where I wasn't a good fit for the book. Without being able to connect with Elsie, I never really invested in the story. Not to mention I couldn't feel any chemistry between Jack and Elsie, and it all made for a rather lackluster read by the end.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
See also, my thoughts on:
The Love Hypothesis
Love on the Brain

The STEMinist Novellas
Under One Roof
Stuck with You

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Connect with meInstagram

This was a pick for my Book of the Month box. Get your first book for $5 here.
Profile Image for Angie Cox.
415 reviews3,540 followers
August 7, 2023
5 ⭐️ My favorite Ali Hazelwood book yet!!!!


"That’s not how love works, Elsie. But don’t worry, I’ll show you.”


WHAT TO EXPECT:
✨ STEM romance
✨ he's a straightforward, confident, perceptive, head of the MIT Physics Institute
✨ she's a broke, people-pleasing, adjunct professor of physics interviewing for her dream job at MIT
✨ academic rivals/hate to lovers
✨ grumpy x sunshine
✨ fake dating (his brother)
✨ he falls first
✨ lots of tension
✨ amazing banter
�� slow burn
✨ 2.5/5 spice
✨ "let me take care of you"
✨ complicated family dynamics
✨ found family
✨ lie by omission
✨ HEA
✨ single pov
✨ twilight references
✨ diabetes representation
✨ ace/aro spectrum representation
✨ Adam and Olive from The Love Hypothesis cameo



My Thoughts:

Absolutely LOVED!!!! Better than the Love Hypothesis (4-stars) and Love on the Brain (3-stars)! Honestly, my favorite contemporary romance of the year! 🤩


Ali Hazelwood is the QUEEN OF STEM ROMANCE! Seriously, I could give two flying f*cks about STEM, yet somehow Ali is able to center an entire story around it while making it interesting and explaining it in a way that allows me to understand. But what always stands out is the way Ali portrays the struggles women in STEM have to go through. From blatant sexism to sexual harassment to manipulation, the challenges are appalling and endless. I specifically liked how she dives into the 'type' of acceptable women in STEM:

"The you people want is sharp, impeccable, perfect enough to justify your intrusion in a field that for centuries has been 'rightfully' male. But not too perfect, because apparently only 'stone-cold bitches' are like that, and they do not make for congenial, affable colleagues."


For fuck's sake, that's insane, but the absolute truth. It's infuriating to see the amount of pandering women in STEM have to do to the men in their field so that they are accepted. Once again, thank you, Ali Hazelwood, for bringing awareness to such an important topic.


I really connected to Elsie on a personal level. Elsie has been a people pleaser her entire life, to the point that she masquerades many different faces around different people in order to fit their expectations or make them love and accept her. This begs the question of who is the real Elsie Hannaway? Unfortunately, Elsie doesn't really know since she's been living her life for others and ignores what she truly wants and needs. I know some people might think that the extent to which she people pleases is dramatic, but I can with 100% certainty say, I've been her. Yes, I've put on facades to make people feel more at ease. I've lied about my likes and interests to fit in with people. I've tampered down my own personality so people will find me more acceptable. I've done things I didn't want to do because it's what was expected of me. And this didn't just happen with strangers. It also happened around friends and family. And let me tell you, it was exhausting and terrifying not being able to just be who you are - living in constant fear that someone will dislike you or find you weird or think you're beneath them. Luckily, I went to therapy and have worked on breaking out of the people-pleasing cycle. And I'm so glad Elsie also starts therapy at the end. I really think Ali Hazelwood did a fantastic job portraying what it's like being a people-pleaser and how much it can emotionally and psychologically impact you.


The friendship between Cece and Elsie was everything. I really adore Cece's humor and how incredibly loyal, supportive, and loving she is to Elise. And even after finding out Elsie hasn't been completely open and honest with her, Cece's first instinct is to say, "I will love you forever." My heart nearly burst wide open because that is true love.


Jack. The love of my life. One of my favorite MMC of all time! Where do I even begin with this man? He's perceptive, confident, honest, charming, thoughtful, intelligent, kind, handsome, sexy, and pretty much the most perfect man to ever be written! I love him (in case you can't tell lol). Not only does he fall first, but he is a huge freaking simp for Elsie and just wants to take care of her. Seriously, this guy is a dream. 😍 But what I love even more is that Jack is a supportive KING! Jack encourages Elsie to just be herself, and while she struggles to learn exactly whose that is, he is there with constant love and support, and lets her discover these things in her own time.


The romance is perfection! We start with so much tension, misconceptions, and hate (on Elsie's side), and then it explodes into this profoundly wonderful and deeply emotional love. There's so much chemistry, respect, love, and care between these two that it makes my heart soar.


The spice was a RIDE! Our girl Elsie has never really enjoyed sex or felt much sexual attraction towards anyone . . . before Jack. And while Elsie wants to just jump his bones, Jack takes his time and focuses first and foremost on her pleasure and her pleasure alone, all so she can discover what she likes. And DAMN it is HOT. 🥵 This is the spiciest Ali Hazelwood book yet, and I ATE THAT SHIT UP!

"I think I want to do this every day," he responds, kissing my pussy like he would my mouth. "Every day for the rest of my life."


I also love that Jack sets some boundaries sexually because he wants to make sure this is truly something Elsie wants, and not just something she thinks she has to do for him to like her (which we learn is something she did with a previous partner).


Overall, Love, Theoretically is a witty, charming, and sexy story with lots of depth that will make you laugh and tug at your heart. Ali Hazelwood's writing is a dream, the pacing is fantastic, and the characters are so amazing that you can't help but fall in love with them. I could go on and on about all the things I love about this book, but this would turn into a full-blown essay, so I'll stop here. But the bottom line is this is one of the best contemporary romance books I've ever read. I 100% recommend reading it and hope you love it as much as I do!



Thank you to NetGalley and Berkley Publishing Group for providing an eARC in exchange for an honest review! As always, all opinions are my own.


Favorite Quotes:

"Have you ever considered that maybe you're already the way I want you to be? That maybe there are no signals because nothing needs to be changed?"
_______

"In my fantasies, you allow me to keep an eye on you. I feel his lips at my temple. " And when I really let go, I imagine that you let me take care of you, too."
"Why?"
"Because in my head, no one has done it before."
_______

Don't men get hard in the mornings when they need to go to the bathroom? It's a pee erection. A peerection. Yup.
_______

It's explosive, crashing, nuclear. Somewhere in the universe antimatter is being produced, and it's all because of this. Because of us.
_______

"You really are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."
_______

"Be gentle with me, Elsie. That's all I ask."
_______

"You could be my entire world," he whispers in my ear before moving to my collarbone. "If you let me."
I stroke his hair. "I think I will."
"Then I'm sorry."
"What are you - ah, what are you sorry for?"
"Because I'm never going to let you go."
_______

"It was cute," he rasps in my hear, "how you thought that fucking you once would make me want to fuck you less."
_______

"She's not your girlfriend."
"She is if she wants to be. She can be my damn wife if she wants to be!"
_______

"What do you loathe?"
The way you seem to always get under my skin."
"Elsie." His eyes close for a brief moment. When he opens them, stars are born. "You think you don't live under mine?"
_______
Profile Image for library ghost (farheen) .
277 reviews304 followers
Want to read
October 28, 2022
this better not be the love hypothesis 3.0

if ali hazelwood said reduce recycle reuse AGAIN i swear i am going to lose it 🙂
Profile Image for Rebecca (life's chaotic catching up).
395 reviews1,044 followers
July 15, 2023
5 Bright Twilight Loving Stars!!!

"You could be my entire world. If you let me"

Yep, that's right. AND, I am just going to say it..... this book is BETTER than The Love Hypothesis, I said what I said.

Elsie is an adjunct professor struggling to make ends meet financially while also not doing the work that she really feels passionate about when the opportunity of a lifetime, to teach/research at MIT, presents itself. She just has to nail her interview and all her dreams will come true. But there is just one problem. Jack Smith. Her professional nemesis, a man that she hates like it's her religion, and is also one of the deciding votes on whether or not she gets the job. Oh, and he also is the brother of the man she is fake dating. Whoops.

Aahh! I LOVED this book so much. I am as shocked as anyone, bc its easily my favorite contemporary romance of the year so far. I was really weary going in bc of so many mixed reviews, but honestly this book just resonated with me. The romance is fantastic, I am a sucker for academic rivals and this one is done PERFECTLY! The tension is soooo good! It was objectively hilarious, the banter was top tier, the cast of supporting characters were absolutely delightful from her quirky best friend Cece to the puny professor Volkov and Jacks sweet brother and taciturn grandmother, they all served to move the story in someway and were fun and interesting. AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE ADAM AND OLIVE CAMEO?!!!! 😍😍 SO CUTE!!!!! Also, this is her best writing by far, the pacing is perfect, the story flows, it was funny and smart and well developed from start to finish.

Elsie-I really, really love Elsie and I know that at times she isn't exactly easy to love bc she masks so much but I really appreciated her struggles with her identity. She has formed this survival instinct born from childhood emotional neglect and then later just being a woman trying to get by in a field that is largely a boys club and she loses herself and ultimately this pseudo persona overwhelms her whole life . I really liked seeing a woman become self aware and take steps to change that and that it was hard and not immediate. So often I see people say, well she should know better or she is too smart to be so oblivious, and sometimes that's true. But sometimes it's not, and there is a process of change that has to happen and those paths are never neat or pretty and I really appreciated that progression in her character arc. And also, a high IQ doesn't always equal a high EQ, being smart doesn't exempt you from having deep emotional issues and doesn't make you any less smart, it just makes you human.

Jack-Ahh this man is so whipped for Elsie and I LOVED it! And can we just talk about how good dirty he is?! I already have a thing for the surly Professor type and this is another one that goes on the roster of top hot teachers bc damn! The fireworks and the chemistry between Jack and Elsie were AMAZING! I ate it up and also I thought the sex scenes were super hot and I also appreciated that they were realistic. I kind of liked that they were trial and error bc not everyone is some sexpert like you read in so many novels. But besides that, I love how he respects Elsie and her talent. He is attentive to everything about her and sees the real her and forces her to be herself and drop the pretense but he does it in a way that is so non judgmental and supportive of what Elsie wants for herself and not everyone else including him. I love that he isn't perfect either and also struggling with his own issues.

Random things I loved
-CeCe, Elsie's best friend is so funny and weird and she made me laugh the entire book.
-George was so sweet!
-The grandmother, you gotta love an old lady that gives zero fucks and tells it like it is.
-The Twilight references 🤌
-The Hoth reference!!
-Olive and Adam 😭😭
Profile Image for Delilah.
1 review171 followers
December 17, 2023
I recently had the pleasure of diving into the captivating world of "Love, Theoretically," an enthralling audiobook that effortlessly blends the realms of love and science. The link to the audiobook can be found here Love, Theoretically . From the very first chapter, I found myself spellbound by the intricate storytelling and the thought-provoking themes that unfolded.

The author's masterful storytelling weaves together two seemingly disparate worlds: the realm of emotions and the realm of scientific inquiry. The protagonist's journey through the complexities of love and relationships is seamlessly intertwined with fascinating scientific theories and concepts. This unique fusion creates a narrative that not only entertains but also provides insightful perspectives on the nature of love.

The characters in "Love, Theoretically" are beautifully crafted, each with their own distinct personalities and motivations. I found myself deeply invested in their lives, rooting for their triumphs and empathizing with their struggles. The author's ability to breathe life into these characters is truly commendable, making the story all the more engaging and relatable.

Moreover, the audiobook narration is a standout feature of "Love, Theoretically." The narrator's voice is captivating, effortlessly drawing listeners into the world of the story. The pacing and intonation are perfect, ensuring that every emotional beat and scientific revelation resonates with the audience. I found myself eagerly awaiting each chapter, eager to continue the journey.

If you're a fan of thought-provoking fiction that explores the depths of human emotions and intertwines them with scientific concepts, "Love, Theoretically" is a must-listen. It's a story that not only entertains but also challenges and expands your perspective on love, relationships, and the human experience. I highly recommend "Love, Theoretically" to anyone seeking a captivating audiobook that seamlessly blends love and science. Prepare to be enchanted by this extraordinary tale that will leave you pondering the mysteries of love and the universe long after you've finished listening.
Profile Image for Dab.
286 reviews193 followers
June 19, 2023
I hate to say it but I didn’t love this book…

It’s not that I hated it, but maybe even I got tired of the repetitiveness. I mean to be fair I did expect a big guy to fall (first) for a small girl and fuck her without a condom. It’s just that unfortunately this time the big guy was a little bland and I didn’t fall for him and the small girl was dumb af, especially for a brilliant scientist.

Maybe Twilight fans will appreciate the Twilight references and the fact that Elsie reads people (almost like Edward) but Jack is the only person she can’t read (almost like Bella), but I’m not a Twilight fan.

On top of that Elsie’s entire career can be a trigger and don’t even get me started on Jack’s childhood. However that’s probably a me problem.

I didn’t even like the spice 🫣 she tried to kiss him and his reaction was the weirdest thing ever 😳

However I have to admit it was low on miscommunication compared to the previous books so there’s progress!

My favorite part was meeting Adam and Olive 🥹

——-

Okay, I didn’t get the arc, so you have to clean up the shit yourself, girl. I’m still reading the book though!

——

Dearest Ali,

If I get this arc I will clean your cat’s litter box for a week. For a year.

Sincerely,
Dab
Profile Image for Antje ❦.
163 reviews423 followers
August 1, 2023
HEAVEN FOR NERDS, that's what this book is (I'm nerds)

OVERALL THOUGHTS: This book was just WHAT I needed, WHEN I needed it! I've only read The Love Hypothesis by this author before and it was highly enjoyable (I rated it 4 stars). BUT THIS ONE WAS AMAZING. To be honest, this is not my original opinion, but I've seen people say this is Hazelwood's best work so far. I'm not exactly qualified to speak on this, BUT I CAN TELL YOU THAT I LOVED THIS BOOK. Yes the romance was very typically Ali Hazelwood, highly unrealistic and bubbly, but you simply cannot hate it. However, there were certain parts of this story that really sticked out to me and for that reason I'll list them here:

1. THE PLOT - I would suggest going into this book without reading the blurb. I haven't read it before reading the actual book and that's why this was like an Easter egg to me. Important plot points were revealed early in the book, BUT THOSE REVELATION SCENES were so good, my Kindle flew across the room. This is another Ali Hazelwood "Women in STEM find unrealistically good gigantic men" novel and that's all you need to know. And yeah, they're physicists in this one!

2. THEORISTS VS EXPERIMENTALISTS - Listen, I don't care for physics, I had an A back in high school but I always hated the subject (sorry not sorry). Which means, theories and experiments on crystals, research papers on quantum mechanics and what not don't mean much to me, but in this little novel (not really little, this was THICK) YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY IMAGINE HOW MUCH BANTER WE GOT from their scientific disagreements. Sign me up, nerds are hot! But also like, we didn't get TMI on those topics, so I didn't feel suffocated.

3. THE JOKES - This book had me LAUGHING on so many occasions. And I'm not big on laughing while reading, especially LAUGHING OUT LOUD! But hey, I was gasping at some of these. And unfortunately, most of those dad jokes that one professor (can't be bothered to check his name again) threw around had me hollering. ALSO, student mail that Elsie received was peak humour.

4. POP CULTURE REFERENCES - As much as I can remember, Ali Hazelwood is big on these. Here, it was like every other sentence. But my silly little gemini brain feeds off of them! Barbie was mentioned, Chris Nolan (TWICE), A PERFECT CURE FOR MY POST-BARBENHEIMER DEPRESSION (I don't know if that's a thing, pls tell me is anyone has it). Like I said, I got this book WHEN I needed it and it was WHAT I needed.

5. ACADEMIA REALNESS - this aspect is something I admire Ali Hazelwood for. And said aspect was more prominent in this book than in The Love Hypothesis. Even though these books are unrealistic (I'm tired of myself saying that), they still deliver some very real situations that happen in STEM surroundings almost every day. I'm a med student myself and I've spent 4 years already in this atmosphere, so certain struggles (money, women in science, stealing work, struggling to achieve your goals, abandoning your interests for your scientific dream) Elsie has (had) I really can identify with. Hazelwood gives you this very cruel manly toxic world and offers you a perfect fairytale escape, MOTHER ENERGY!🧎🏼‍♀️

6. MEDICAL CONDITION REP - Our female protagonist in this novel has diabetes type 1, while she doesn't have health insurance and has to finance each and every insulin bolus herself. I'm not making it to be this big Nobel-prize-for-peace thing, but it was nice to see this very common but life-threatening condition represented in popular fiction!

CHARACTERS I usually describe main characters separately but I won't be doing that here. I loved Elsie and Jack equally. Their chemistry was really well-written. Many aspects of their personalities are sort of spoilers so I also won't be sharing those. Other aspects were written above. One thing tho, Jack's physical description reminds me of Dominic Sherwood (used to act in the terrible Shadowhunters show). Did anyone else get that reference (was he by any chance based on Dom or am I making that up)? Pls tell me in the comments. 🧐

NOTE: This book was much spicier that The Love Hypothesis so do with that info what you want! 🤭

I CAN'T WAIT TO READ MORE ALI HAZELWOOD!💕💕
Profile Image for EmmaSkies.
205 reviews5,113 followers
June 25, 2023
Oh my GOD this book. Where do I even start? First of all, 5 stars. Easy. EASY 5 stars. There’s just something about the stories Ali Hazelwood crafts and the personalities she writes that hit with me. I loved The Love Hypothesis beyond words and was a bit iffy on Love on the Brain, so I wasn’t quite sure how this one was going to go, but oh my god she delivered again.

@baskinsuns on tiktok has a really great video on this topic, but the way that Ali Hazelwood writes these male love interests who have such a deep and gentle like of the heroine is so…ooh she’s ruining my life. Yes it’s a romance novel so obviously they fall in love, but Jack Smith genuinely likes and enjoys Elsie as a person outside of his romantic love for her. He respects her, he admires her, he wants to hear her talk about the things she enjoys and he wants to experience them with her simply because it makes her happy. There’s a softness to the way Ali Hazelwood’s men care for their partners that just hits different.

And the academic rivals in this book? Top fucking tier. From the very get go. It’s delicious. Delectable. I’m eating it up on every goddamn page. The dynamic it engenders between Elsie - the consummate People Pleaser - and the love interest being the one person she doesn’t care about pleasing is amazing.

The story is beyond engaging, it went in some directions I didn’t expect it to go, it had me rooting for physics debates, and I could have read another hundred pages of these two.

And you know what really REALLY shows how much I love this book? If you’ve been here for a little while you probably know I hate pop culture references in books. Viscerally. This book is at minimum 8% TWILIGHT references, and it was still an easy 5 stars. No question about it.

I loved our main couple, I loved the side characters (I would read an entire novella about visits with Millicent), I was super invested in the plot, and the third act and finale is just…everything is so good.
Profile Image for Sanda reads.
134 reviews34 followers
June 6, 2023
Oh, wow. I made it. Yay me!
First of all, I would like to congratulate the author for selling the same story for the sixth time. That's some serious business talent.

Here is my list:
Female MC is small to medium ✅
Male MC is unconventionaly huge, tall, a mountain, a refrigerator, an oak, fills the doorframe ✅
He falls for her first ✅
She is extremely clueless he likes her even after he tells it to her face and shows it to her in 9272525 romantic and cheesy ways ✅
They are scientists on opposite sides and she “hates” him ✅
She has extremely low self esteem ✅
She has extremely low emotional intelligence but she is a scientific genius ✅
There is a villain scientist just for the twist ✅
She wants a better job because she's poor AF because she's a female scientist ✅
She thinks his friend is his girlfriend which causes unnecessary misunderstanding ✅
Did I mention how big and chiseled he is? Like big, huge, enormous, gigantic, everyone around him looks like a child because he is so big big tall tall huge huge and it’s mentioned in every possible moment ✅

So, if you've read any of the previous books by this author, you can go through my list and see how many ✅ you'll have. Yeh. All of them. I've read 6 of her books and yeah. They are all the same story. The only difference is the names of the characters and the science field they work (and rival) in. This book is the worst. The female MC is the dumbest character I've ever read. Seriously. If you want an example, here it is. She wakes up next to him after just sleeping. She feels his big, huge, enormous... You know. And she thinks he has to PEE. To pee. I shit you not. A phd physicist thinks men have er3cti0n when they have to pee.
Example no2. He tells her for at least 3 times he likes her. He invites her to have dinner with him after being a perfect gentleman and having her slept at his place. And she asks: You mean, you want to kill me? Yes, honey, after having you alone in his home for the whole night, he is going to take you to a public restaurant to kill you.

There are more of these dumb scenes, but I don't want to waste any more time on this book. This is the worst book I've read in a long time and by far the most irritating female MC ever. I don't think I'll ever pick up a book by this author again.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 22, 2024
“I want you to know,
I’m a mirrorball,
I can change everything about me to fit in” 🪩



⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆ ⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆ ⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆ ꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆ •̩̩͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚


rating : ★ ★ ★ ★ ★


‧₊˚✧🪩✧˚₊‧ when people said this book was for the mirrorball girlies they weren’t lying ‎‧₊˚✧🪩✧˚₊‧





"I can actually watch you do it."
"Do what?"
"Analyze people. Turn yourself on and off."
"You know, Jack, we all interact differently with different people. It's called code-switching a totally normal social skill-"
"Code-switching has nothing to do with erasing who you are and twisting what's left of you.




i absolutely love this book. when i tell you I’ve been in bed hugging this book like my life depends on it. (im not lying) i went through so many emotions reading this; i laughed, got angry, and yes i even cried. not because it was sad but because i related to Elsie so much. there was a point in my life still kinda there where i would sometimes do anything to please the people around me whether it be family, friends, or even coworkers. maybe not to the extent she did but iykyk



I find that people like me better if they don't have to expend emotional energy on me.



was this book a masterpiece? no, but i did enjoyed it very much. my rating is for me and my enjoyment throughout reading this book. it’s safe to say I’ve read most of Ali Hazelwood’s books and yes they’re pretty repetitive, especially with the main character’s descriptions and her books are okay at best but this one is absolutely my favorite.



ˋ°•*⁀➷ plot:


the story follows Elsie a theoretical physicist who is struggling to make ends meet and has a side job as a fake girlfriend for a dating app. for the last couple months she’s been hired by a man name Greg. Greg has an older brother named Jack and she sees him and she thinks he’s arrogant and she can’t seem to figure him out.
Elsie has this big job opportunity for a job she desperately needs/wants and is being interviewed for but guess who’s on the hiring board? yes, none other than Jack, her clients brother who also happens to be an experimental physicist, an academic rival. 🤭



ˋ°•*⁀➷ characters:



⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ ELSIE HANNAWAY ⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅


how i wish i could jump into this book and give her the biggest hug ever. 🫂 to all my people pleaser girlies you will relate to Elsie so much.

As a people pleaser, I was primed to take all sorts of constructive criticism to heart.



honestly all the stars go to Elsie i loved her so much 🫶🏼 yall could never make me hate her.
the struggles she faced with her identity and masking herself every time she interacted with someone just to please that person so they’ll like that version of herself. I love how we get insight into her emotional trauma beginning from her childhood i was ready to fight her mom
I loved seeing her finally start to put herself first and not care what people thought.


I feel selfishly, beautifully happy. I just chose something on my own, for my own




˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖ JONATHAN SMITH-TURNER ˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖


“You could be my entire world,
If you let me.".



honestly who tf is that? i only know one guy here and his name is Jack i refuse to call him by his government name and why was he blonde?? 😔 honestly for once I was more in love with the fmc than I was the mmc. im not saying I didn’t enjoy his character, I did but I loved the fmc more in this book.
sometimes to me he was just there 🧍‍♂️



˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ELSIE AND JACK ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖


"Have you considered that maybe you're already the way I want you to be? That maybe there are no signals because nothing needs to be changed?"



I loved them together. I love how he saw through her facade right away. Jack was so patient with Elsie and made sure her needs where always put first rather than his. I will say the romance in this book wasn’t really there it centered more on her and him being there and helping her but i still loved it nonetheless.
my favorite part of their whole relationship is how he would straight up tell her he was interested in her and she would lose her shit 😂 like every single time she would be like he’s lying or some other bizarre conclusion other than just believing him homegirl was stressed 😭


"I'm starting to be partial to the way you bypass all rational explanations for everything I say, and dash straight to me being an unhinged serial killer."




ˋ°•*⁀➷ random things i loved:


°ᡣ𐭩 . ° . Adam and Olive cameo 🫶🏼 I didn’t really care for their book like I did this one but i love when characters I’ve read about in other books make an appearance.
even Bee was mentioned in this book.


°ᡣ𐭩 . ° . like I’ve stated before in other reviews I hate pop culture references but I loved the twilight references here 🫶🏻


°ᡣ𐭩 . ° . side characters: I loved all the main side characters.

Cece: her roommate she was so cute and i love how she had a pet hedgehog 🥹 and the cheese fight she had with Elsie
Greg: the scene when he was high on happy gas and telling Elsie how Jack is infatuated by her and when he was naked in front of them 😂

°ᡣ𐭩 . ° . weird take but I loved the cheese obsession 😂 because I too love cheese lmfaoo 🫶🏼




ˋ°•*⁀➷ final thoughts:

I’m convinced Ali Hazelwood had the holy trinity on repeat while writing this book 🫶🏼

°ᡣ𐭩 . ° . the archer 🏹
°ᡣ𐭩 . ° . this is me trying 🥃
°ᡣ𐭩 . ° . mirrorball 🪩 (heavy on this one)

—————

pre-read: being a mood reader is so hard because this book is calling to me right now while im already reading two other books 🌚
Profile Image for Phuong ✯.
665 reviews7,619 followers
November 27, 2023
– 3.25 stars

after reading this book i even look more like a clown, cause Olive doesn't have any brothers lmao bye 😭🤚 (i get that Smith is a very common name, but from the millions name Ali could have chosen why did she gave two of her MCs the same last name 🏃🏻‍♀️)

Love, Theoretically is definitely my second favorite book by Ali Hazelwood after The Love Hypothesis. this was so cute and elsiejack had me smiling from ear to ear <3

pre-review:

Jack Smith?? We are getting a book about Olive's older brother with a OliveAdam cameo and all of the sudden I'm so hyped for this book! June can't come soon enough 😩🙏

Ali or besties working at Berkley if you see this, please send an ARC my way I'm not above begging 🥺👉👈
Profile Image for Hannah.
51 reviews255 followers
March 14, 2023
I think that ending the acknowledgements section of this book with the sentence "Time is a finite and precious resource, and I'm constantly overcome with emotion that people choose to spend it on my words" was not particularly nice of the author to do. But the time isn't coming back, and if there's one thing I intend to do tonight, it's succumb to the sunk cost fallacy. On with the review.

I tend to leave Ali Hazelwood alone because I'm not in her intended demographic (read: person who can see one character responding to another character's ignorance about clothes with "Wow. Men." without wanting to die), but I picked this up because I saw that the protagonist works as a hired girlfriend, and I wanted to know whether it was going to be offensive or not. It is, which is sad, because the author has clearly worked very hard to make it less so; there's a point early when she specifies that the work she does certainly doesn't include sex, and then reassures us that she does believe sex work is real work, "and people who engage in it are just as deserving of respect as ballerinas, or firefighters, or hedge fund managers." Sure! Great! Hedge fund managing is not real work, but I get where you're coming from!

It's just that this comes in the same book as the character referring to cracking a bad pun in order to increase her chances of getting a job as "this prostitution of my sense of humor", and the whole premise is that the love interest is the person she can "be her real self around", unlike her clients, even though he is 1) on her hiring committee and 2) immediately after he leaves her hiring committee, offers her a job. Also, the heroine's roommate, who also works as a hired girlfriend, is "way too beautiful" to be good at it without problems. I mean, okay.

Honestly, the author just doesn't seem particularly interested in the whole premise, except as a way to emphasize that the heroine's people-pleasing problems are really bad—I mean, they're so bad that she even... lets herself be PAID to pretend to DATE. The whole line between "faking being a girlfriend" and "working as a girlfriend" seems pretty unclear to Hazelwood—some of the work entails making up stories to her clients' family and friends about how the two of them met and whether she's being paid, which is obviously faking something, but she also specifies that other gigs just entail "going places as arm candy" without talking. I bring this up because I do kind of feel that the author believes (or is working on believing) that sex-adjacent work isn't inherently shameful, but she does think on some level it is inherently dishonest. Which: mm.

Mainly the reason I feel this way is because the whole arc of the novel is our heroine getting over her people-pleasing tendencies. At this point I need to be clear that this is just not a very well-written character trait. She refers, constantly, to having a different version of herself for every social situation, but what we actually see her do is "say something nice to a girl who's about to cry", "crack jokes to someone who enjoys jokes", "pretend to like movies she doesn't like", and "help sort out family problems when her mom asks her to." At one point she says she's about to tell us her tried-and-true procedure for Becoming A Different Person, and it is, in full: 1) Figure out what the other person needs. 2) Plan to do it. 3) Do it. Like—can we get something about, I don't know, observing body language? Altering tone? The protagonist references "code-switching" by name, but she never seems to use different registers for different situations? Plato identified four types of flattery off the top of his head and he didn't even have Google, man, is this really the best we can do? Anyway. You can see how this person would get pushed around a lot, sure (a female romance protagonist? with no backbone? Groundbreaking.), but the shapeshifting social chameleon that we're told about just never really appears.

What does appear is someone who's considerate of others, but absolutely miserable about that, and only feels like her "real self" when she's yelling at the love interest. From the bottom of my heart: 'kay. How I think the author intended these scenes to come across, though, is less that the heroine is constantly shapeshifting into new people and more that she is someone constantly in what we might call "customer service mode".

I feel, generally, weird about the idea that someone who can't switch out of customer service mode makes a particularly good escort, and it would remain a kind of weird itch in the back of my brain, but that line about "prostitution of my sense of humor" pushes it over the line for me a little. It's hard to shake the feeling that Hazelwood has articulated to herself that Elsie is "prostituting her personality out to everyone she meets", or something of that nature. (Not sexually, of course! She'll describe the sex with her ex that she didn't enjoy at all and only had to please him, but she wasn't being paid for it!) I feel weird when the heroine reassures the hero that her last client (his brother) is so nice that she "would have [worked as his girlfriend] for free". And I feel weirder when the heroine and the hero's whole relationship seems to consist of him going "What do you wanna do?", her saying, "What do you wanna do?", and him going sternly, "No... what do you wanna do?" until she gets wildly turned on.

Like—again, this man is on her hiring committee. I don't really buy that she simply can't turn on customer-service mode with him just because she can't read his face. (In a book where the heroine's number one thing is Loving The Twilight Saga, I will admit that "he's the only person whose mind she can't read!!!" as a plot point is absolutely hilarious.) When inauthenticity is so explicitly tied to her escort work, and she falls for him because he aggressively refuses to let her be "inauthentic", it feels... kind of like she's a ~fallen woman who he's saving~, if you see what I mean.

Anyway, I should note that she has Type 1 diabetes and, due to sudden and plot-convenient miscalculations of her blood sugar, twice faints dramatically in his arms. It's so hard to get a proper case of consumption these days.

There are at least three plot-relevant issues of miscommunication that happen because, just as someone is about to say something important, something loud or disgusting happens in the background. Also, the protagonist once describes "fantasies of filling [the hero] with candy and taking a bat to him". Time is a finite and precious resource, and it becomes increasingly evident that the Fates have not marked me to spend it on shit that is good. At this point I will accept "wild", I guess.
February 11, 2024
things i know about Elsie Hannaway:-

1. she hates white men.
2. yet pines after one.
3. she thinks that her opponent candidate would "obviously" get the job as he's a man. not that he's talented or anything- nopes.
4. she's a FEMINIST!!!! and the entire STEM is against her because she's a woman.
5. she thinks she's funny:

"that piece of Uranus—”
“Science insult. Nice.”
“I bet he thinks in Fahrenheit—”
“Ooh, sick burn.”
“—and spends his free time flying to Westminster Abbey to dance on Stephen Hawking’s grave—”


...😐

i'm 100% convinced ali hazelwood is not for me. her books are painfully boring and her writing very robotic and un-digestable. it feels as if you're reading a published article at new york times about an incident happening at some place which caused the quartz of microelectrons to clash and generate anti-matter which further tampered with the multiverse of madness and sparked some outré changes in the quantum biophysics of a blackhole and thus the discovery of anti-gravity.

also, just bcz you're a scientist, that doesn't mean you have to talk in science in everyday life and say shit like - "i feel my atoms crashings angrily against each other" - i'm pretty sure scientists are also normal human beings who speak in normal human language.

[dnf @20% chapter 4]
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