- The live webcam industry features cam models performing live sex acts for viewers in exchange for tokens
- The camming industry generates billions of dollars in revenue
- Because camming is live and interactive, many have wondered whether it qualifies as cheating
- A Men's Health poll found that 53% of readers think it's not a form of infidelity, while 47% of readers think it is
Jessica Sage starts her day by logging into a chatroom of her followers, who can see her broadcast live over a webcam on the website Stripchat. She can’t see them. But they can see her, and usually, they're watching her get naked.
As a cam model, Sage performs various sexual acts live on camera in exchange for tokens. She can make hundreds of dollars in one day from the privacy of her own bedroom. What she does isn't exactly porn: unlike most porn performers, who make prerecorded content for an anonymous audience, Sage regularly interacts with her fans, chatting and making jokes with them. But she doesn't converse with them outside her chatroom, nor does she ever physically touch them.
Sage has about 3,000 followers, many of whom are in committed relationships. For the most part, their partners do not know about Sage. “A lot of women feel threatened that their partner might want someone else,” says Sage. While she says that's not the case, she does acknowledge that the relationships she builds with her fans can be quite intimate.
“I talk to people and get to know them on a personal level,” she says. “For me, it’s more about building a connection than just taking off my clothes. I try to get to know everyone and allow them to get to know me.”
Which begs the question: do these women have a point? Given the intimacy of the service Sage provides, are the guys who watch Sage on webcam actually committing infidelity? Or are they just getting off to a random naked woman on the internet?
The rise of technology has made lots of things more complicated, including the definition of infidelity. The line between cheating and not cheating has become much more blurry. Does sexting count as cheating, for instance? What about leaving flirtatious comments on someone else's Instagram posts? (There's even a term for this: microcheating, or forms of cheating that don't actually involve having sex.)
The interactive nature of camming, a rapidly growing industry that generates $2 billion a year, has made that definition even blurrier: while some people think it's no different than masturbating to porn, others disagree. In fact, when we surveyed more than 1500 Men's Health readers on social media, 53% said that masturbating to a camgirl didn't count as cheating, while 47% said that it did.
A Men's Health reader who responded to the poll fell in the former camp: "[Camgirls are] selling an online fantasy, much like regular porn. The extra interaction and control doesn't constitute as cheating to me personally," he tweeted.
Max*, 28, who's engaged to his girlfriend of eight years, disagrees. "With camgirls, you're seeking out a virtual partner to replace yours," he told Men's Health. "You're paying her to do things, forming a semblance of a one-to-one relationship. With porn it's like, 'Here's a sexy video my body reacts to.' You're experiencing it with no human connection."
It's that element of interaction that makes camming so unique, for both clients and the performers themselves. Lacy Starz, another camgirl at Stripchat, says she doesn't view what she does as "home-wrecking" because she provides a simple service: to get her followers off. To her, what she does is just another form of acting. “You’re a muse,” she says. “You’re there to entertain.”
Whether virtual sex counts as cheating depends entirely on the couple, says sex therapist Angela Skurtu, author of Helping Couples Overcome Infidelity and host of the podcast About Sex.
“I work with clients who have relationships where they are allowed to date or talk to other people, go to massages with happy endings, etc. But the key is that it is consensual with both parties,” says Skurtu. “If your partner is consenting, then there’s no reason why any of this would not be fine.”
The problem arises from the fact that you have kept it a secret from your partner. “The way we define infidelity is that it’s something you are keeping from your spouse,” Skurtu said. “If you are talking to a camgirl and can’t admit it to your partner, then it’s an infidelity. Affairs can be emotional or sexual: if it’s a secret, and if it takes from part of the relationship, [it's a problem].”
So what happens if you do tell your partner about your Chaturbate habit, and she reacts with jealousy or anger? You should make it clear to her that just because you are masturbating to a woman on the internet doesn't mean you have interest in anyone but her.
In fact, says Sage, the majority of her clients are enamored with their spouses, and speak of them highly to her. What they are looking for from a camgirl is pure fantasy, no different than searching for porn.
“Partners need to be more accepting and understanding that everyone has fantasies and desires,” she says. “My husband watches plenty of porn. None of the porn stars he looks at are what I look like. I don’t take it personally because I know it’s a fantasy that I can't fulfill.”
But even if your partner does react with anger and jealousy, that doesn't mean you shouldn't talk about it. Honesty is the most important pillar of any relationship, even if things temporarily get messy as a result. “People are scared to death of jealousy,” says Skurku. “I want people to get comfortable with the fact that jealousy is a normal emotion. What matters is how we act on it."
Be honest with your partner about what turns you on. Make it clear that your desire to masturbate to an anonymous naked woman on the internet does not lessen your attraction to her. If it would make her feel more comfortable, suggest that she watch with you. It might make her see how innocuous it is, and who knows — it might even turn her on.
“At the end of the day, talking to a camgirl is not a big deal,” says Starz. “It can be something that you and your partner share together. But if you have to hide it, that’s when it becomes a problem.”
