Here are some of the letters that poured in to Playboy from readers reacting to the magazine's new safe-for-work content policy:
A SHAMEFUL COVER-UP
I read in the New York Times that Playboy is losing three million dollars a year. Did it ever occur to you that your problem might be the insidious liquor advertorials, sex cartoons that use the word "in" as a double entendre, and shopping guides that assume every man is a motorcycle-riding barbecue enthusiast looking for a custom fedora? Nude women may be the least offensive part of your magazine.
—Alex Yenni,
Venice Beach, California
SWISH AND SPIT
During poker the other night, I was talking to the boys and they were saying that Playboy without nudes is like a bar without booze. But I defended you, arguing that you'd still be showing semi-naked girls in a classy way, so it would be more like a wine bar. I guess my concern is, no one likes wine bars.
—Matt Bloom,
Bozeman, Montana
POCKET JOCKEY
Hello, Hugh Hefner. I really hope you publish this letter I'm writing. For many years now, I've been reading Playboy openly on public transportation while digging for loose Skittles in my fanny pack. I'm concerned that once people don't see Playboy as a nudie mag, I won't get my own row of seats anymore.
—Patrick Sher,
Miami, Florida
PB: We're thrilled that you're a loyal reader; we've always considered people like you to be our "core guys." And we think you'll continue to be one—only now that'll make you a cool urban commuter with a sensible bag who loves great content! As for the seating situation, we think you'll be just fine.
TAKING A SHOT
Kudos to the whole Playboy team on this historic decision. It makes me wonder if you were drinking Hornitos™ at the time, because I've made many historic decisions after a perfectly chilled and responsibly consumed shot of this superb hundred-per-cent reposado tequila—just ask my ex-wife! Congrats, and way to Grab Life by the Hornitos.™
—Juan de Publicidades,
Jalisco, Mexico
OLD FAITHFUL
I'm almost Hef's age, and I remember the days when, if a man wanted to see some bosom, he had to get married and remove a very complicated brassiere. Playboy changed all that, and now I can watch MILF orgies on the portable computer my nephew got me! Anyway, I think it's swell that Playboy is removing photographs of nude women from its pages.
P.S. Any pointers on setting up a Webcam? Obama cut my pension.
—Bill DeBlonde,
Flagstaff, Arizona
WHAT DO THEY WANT?
As an activist who literally just left a Free the Nipple rally, I find this unbelievably #insulting. We champion any and all public displays of female areolae as a means of desexualizing women's torsos and increasing our social-media followings.
—Danielle Grecio,
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
PB: We fully support your movement! But have you read our charter? It says
"Entertainment for Men." And right now what these men find entertaining is not going out of business.
KEEP ’EM COMING
Your pictorial of Miss September was spectacular. Va va voom! She has my vote for Playmate of the Year. By the way, I'm a current and longtime Playboy subscriber, so I don't have access to the Internet. But I'm expecting "big things" from you all for years to come.
—Ben Detrice,
Rochester, New York
A RED PILL
Proud meninist here. I, for one, cannot believe you were all cowed by the shrill man-haters in the liberal media. Playboy used to stand for something. But with the government breathing down my neck for child support, I certainly cannot afford a magazine that's just a bunch of articles!
—Fearless Meninist, Amarillo, Texas
"INCREASING" OUR STAFF
I'm not sure if you're looking for suggestions, but here goes: What if Playboy did inspiring pictorials on strong, intelligent women who aren't defined by their bodies, who just happen to have really good bodies?
—Julien Williams,
Brooklyn, New York
PB: Do you want a job here, Julien? We're not kidding. Please send your résumé to Playboy Enterprises, Inc. P.O. Box 62260, Tampa, FL 33662
