My name's Jack Griffin, and I don’t wanna be here. I am an award-winning philosophy scholar, who for reasons I won't go into, finds himself with a free year.
We're not gonna do any biology in here. And to be perfectly clear, this won't be one of those things where over the course of a year I secretly teach it to you.
This also won't be one of those things where I end up learning more from you than you do from me. I know more than all of you combined, so, ha, that doesn't make any sense.
I'm gonna spend the majority of my time mentally breaking my nemesis with the ultimate goal of taking his job as the head of Stanford Philosophy.
And then I'm gonna have sex with as many women as I possibly can throughout the entire state of California. But you don't need to concern yourselves with that.
So, last night I found out my nemesis Miles got a MacArthur Genius Grant just after my ex turned me down for sex.
So I got angry, I got very drunk, and I went pee-pee on the hospital where she works.
A police officer suggested that I stop. I suggested that he pleasure me sexually. He did not. Instead, he hurt my arm, and I went to jail.
Comments