I had a baby 14 weeks ago – and I’ve never felt less sexy

I have recently had my second child, who is now 14 weeks old. Since then I have had absolutely no interest in sex. I enjoy it once I start but it takes me a while to reconnect to my sexual self again and until that happens I feel extremely lacklustre about what I’m doing. I’m breastfeeding and my body just does not feel like my own. My husband and I used to have a very good sex life and our sex drive was well-matched, but now I can’t think of anything less sexy than being a mum to a baby. How do I get my mojo back?

Let nature take its course. It is entirely normal for a woman to be less interested in sex after giving birth, because focusing on your baby is exactly what you’re supposed to do. You don’t need to be anxious about whether or not your libido will return; it will do so in good time. Once your baby develops a bit more, your hormones will return to a state that supports healthy desire. Hopefully your husband will understand this and be patient. Some partners do need reassurance, especially if they are feeling a little left out as you bond naturally with your baby. Make sure he knows this phase is normal and temporary.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

• If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.

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