House of Cards handed a gift to fan-fiction writers with a love scene between Frank, Claire, and their Secret Service agent Edward Meechum last season. The moment lasted all of 45 seconds onscreen but has since given rise to thousands of words online, in a growing subgenre of Meechum-specific fan fiction that explores the physical and emotional nuances of a Frank/Claire/Meechum relationship.
House of Cards fan fiction does entertain other pairings — Rachel and Lisa; Frank and Tim, in college; Gavin Orsay and a bike messenger; Secretary of State Catherine Durant and Criminal Minds’ Alex Blake — but it is overwhelming and almost exclusively inspired by the Meechum moment. Most of the fiction characterizes Meechum similarly: a deer in headlights when it comes to Frank and Claire’s advances, who can be surprisingly bold when he wants to be.
In advance of the season-three premiere this Friday, we’ve culled the best Meechum fiction out there — the scenarios alternate between the dramatic and the mundane (Meechum could be the father of Claire’s baby. One time he had a toothache!). Needless to say, the following is NSFW.
BABY MEECHUM
Title: “Claire’s Baby”
Summary: Claire is pregnant; it could be Meechum’s.
Word count: 933
“I had both of you that night,” recalls Claire, hand to her lower belly. “This baby could be either of yours.”
MEECHUM’S STYLE
Title: “How Do You Want It?”
Summary: Meechum expresses his preferences.
Word count: 197
“How do you want it?” asks the President when the shadows grow long in the Oval Office and they’re finally alone, his fingernails rasping against Edward’s five o’clock shadow. He kisses Edward, brushing his tongue against his lips, knocking. Edward lets him in. “Hard,” Edward answers … “How do you want it?” asks the First Lady. “Soft,” Edward whispers.
A VERY MEECHUM AND FRANCIS THANKSGIVING
“There are plenty of ways to serve your country,” Francis observes, stroking Edward’s short, thinning hairline.
Title: “Edward and Francis — Thanksgiving”
Summary: Meechum and Francis enjoy themselves, sans Claire.
Word count: 184MEECHUM’S TOOTHACHE
“Thir,” replies Meechum respectfully (and coldly).
Title: “Francis’s No Good, Very Bad Day”
Summary: Francis needs comforting; Meechum has a lisp.
Word count: 666
“You’re lisping?” There’s a touch of concern edging through the tone of disdain.
Meechum doesn’t reply except to simply push up the right corner of his upper lip to display the shiny new crown covering his damaged tooth.MEECHUM THREESOME
He hasn’t spent a lot of time thinking about the logistics of threesomes. They were always a mystery, how three people would manage to form an enjoyable experience. Though when he sinks into the tight heat of Claire while feeling a lubed finger circle his hole, he doesn’t know how he could ever have doubted it would work.
Title: “Five Times Edward Meechum Got Down on His Knees for Frank’s Pleasure and One Time He Didn’t”
Summary: In which Meechum discovers how threesomes work.
Word count: 12,936MURDEROUS MEECHUM
In broad daylight, he fires at the Vice President, once, twice … He sees Claire mouth thank you.
Title: “Where Violent Sorrow Seems”
Summary: Meechum kills Frank.
Word count: 1,183MEECHUM IS SICK
“Where do you live?” Frank pressed. “Let’s send you home.” “A ways away.” His voice sounded like it was coming to him across the length of a football field … “Meechum?” Frank sounded concerned now. “Miles. Miles and miles, sir.”
Title: “Miles to Go”
Summary: Frank tenderly looks after Meechum.
Word count: 1,085OBEDIENT MEECHUM
Meechum was blinking rapidly as he looked up, clearly nonplussed at the rebuke, as mild as it was. “I’m sorry, Mr. President,” he said. “What was your question, sir?” “Do you trust me?” … “Yes, sir.” “With your life?” “Yes, sir.” “Get undressed and have a seat.”
Title: “A Terrible and Splendid Trust”
Summary: Frank and Claire discuss whether Meechum is to be trusted.
Word count: 2,258MEECHUM WAKES UP IN A PANIC
“I know you’re awake, Edward,” Frank’s southern drawl caused him to snap his head up, blood rushing to his cheeks. The movement nudged Claire awake, and Edward sat up between them, pulling the blankets up across his bare chest.
Title: “The Morning After”
Summary: Meechum feels awkward the morning after.
Word count: 767CLAIRE AND FRANK: THE COLLEGE YEARS
“There’s nothing like sinking into the flesh of your own gender,” [Frank] confided, guiding her through yet another waltz. “Are you?” she laughed, following his every cue as though they’d danced together for years.
Title: “Cotillion”
Summary: Claire and Frank dance; Claire fantasizes about being with two men. (Pre-Meechum.)
Word count: 883
“Gay? No. But I am … hmmm … flexible.”
“I like that in a man,” she replied, brushing against him. “I’ve had … fantasies about watching two men … even being in the middle …”CLAIRE’S MEECHUM AND FRANK’S MEECHUM
“Did you have fun?” he asked plaintively, like the only child not invited to a birthday party.
Title: “Edward Likes to Watch”
Summary: Claire and Frank share how their solo experiences with Meechum in the bedroom differ.
Word count: 2,044
“Mhhhmmm,” breathed Claire. “Edward was … surprising.”
“What? Surprising?” Francis quit nuzzling and rolled over to face his wife. “When I’m alone with him he’s as trembling and shy as a baby fawn. Eager, though — once we get started.”PRESIDENT CLAIRE
Meechum stood aside respectfully as she and Francis started past. Claire halted in front of him and placed her hand on his chest. “Would you care to join us later for a little celebration?” she asked quietly. “The First Gentleman and I would enjoy that very much, wouldn’t we Francis.” “Very much,” Francis repeated, as Meechum smiled and nodded his enthusiastic agreement.
Title: “AM/PM”
Summary: Meechum is invited to celebrate with the First Couple.
Word count: 2,931BEFORE THERE WAS MEECHUM
“Edward Meechum, I’ve never considered you a pet and neither has Claire. We’ve only shared one lover in the twenty five years of our marriage. One. And when that ended, our friendship with him didn’t.” “Who?” Francis looked at his feet, blinking away a sudden tear. “Doug. It went on for almost a year. It stopped when he found his sobriety.”
Title: “Vice President’s Pet”
Summary: Meechum finds out about Doug.
Word count: 1,720MEECHUM’S GIFT
“Every time you wear those cufflinks, the three of us have the most remarkable time,” [Claire] explained.
Title: “Cuff Links”
Summary: Frank and Claire are going to a gala, with Meechum in tow. Claire recommends Frank wears the cuff links Meechum gifted him.
Word count: 422BOSSY MEECHUM
Meechum to Frank: “Will you please lie down on the bed, facedown and let me warm you up?”
Title: “Good Man”
Summary: Frank is soaked from the rain; Meechum tries to help.
Word count: 810FRANK FALLS IN LOVE
Perhaps it is a weakness that I have feelings for Meechum — a certain fondness that is rapidly approaching the strength of what I feel for Claire.
Title: “Top Dog”
Summary: Frank’s inner monologue while making love.
Word count: 238ASHAMED MEECHUM
He says, quietly, “Sir,” out into the air, like an apology. As if he knows that Frank is on the other side, overhearing, one hand clenched over the doorknob like he’s about to open it.
Title: “Pro Patria Mori”
Summary: Meechum relieves himself in a closet.
Word count: 773
