'This is the end of my presidency'
Today's Short List is brought to you by the letter "R" for "redacted" and the letter "H" for "HBO wants President Donald Trump to quit using 'Game of Thrones' to advance his political messages." Here's Thursday's top news.
But first, watch this proud baby alpaca take his first steps. Ah, isn't that calming? OK, now for the Mueller report.
400-plus pages of pure Mueller: Here's what to know
You can read all 448 pages of special counsel Robert Mueller's report that dropped Thursday. But know this: Trump is claiming victory. Here are the top takeaways:
- First, the quote everyone's talking about: “Oh my God. This is terrible. This is the end of my presidency. I’m f-----.” That's what Trump said after Mueller was appointed special counsel and tasked with overseeing the investigation into Russian meddling, according to written notes from Sessions’ chief of staff, Jody Hunt.
- Aides didn't listen to Trump: Mueller found that while Trump may have attempted to obstruct the Russia investigation, those efforts were "mostly unsuccessful" due to aides declining to fulfill Trump's wishes. What's more: Trump was so outwardly mad over the investigation that it showed his motives to stop it were not corrupt, the report found.
- Trump campaign expected to 'benefit from Russia': Mueller did not find the campaign and Russia were conspiring together, per the report, but Trump aides contacted officials tied to the Kremlin before the election, and both sides felt they could benefit from one another.
- It's not over: The investigations continue. An appendix to the report lists cases that will continue even after Mueller has wrapped up his work. Eleven cases have been transferred and 14 more — many of which remain secret — were referred to other court districts .
There may be poop in your chicken
A nonprofit advocating for “plant-based diets” allegedly found fecal bacteria in 48% of poultry products sourced in 10 cities. They're now suing the U.S. Department of Agriculture, saying the agency did not respond to concerns about contamination in meat and poultry production. *Googles veganism for the 60th time.* 🐔🙃
And FYI for the gluten-free readers in the crowd... gluten has been found in 32% of food labeled as gluten-free, according to a new study published in the American Journal of Gastroenterology. Even Oprah wouldn't approve.
Real quick
- A 16-year-old British actress died: Mya Lecia-Naylor appeared in "Cloud Atlas."
- 'Desperate Housewives' actress Felicity Huffman should serve 4 to 10 months in jail for her role in the college bribery scam, federal prosecutors say.
- A white supremacist stabbed four handcuffed black inmates, a lawsuit says, as prison guards laughed in "callous indifference."
- New childbirth safety requirements will aim to protect pregnant women and new mothers against deadly deliveries.
- This car was parked on top of another car. And they say New Jersey has the best drivers...
She hid under a table. He was shot six times. Columbine, 20 years later.
Laura Farber took cover along with several friends under a cafeteria table on this day 20 years ago at Columbine High School as two heavily armed classmates killed 12 of her fellow students. It's taken her two decades to finally talk about it. Sean Graves can still see the two teens in trench coats opening fire. He was shot six times and partially paralyzed. Today, Graves struggles with trauma and nagging injuries. Columbine, like every school shooting since, left a legacy of pain and loss for its survivors. Here's what it's like to wake up after a shooting and put your life back together.
The story behind that Phelps-Woods viral moment
What did one GOAT say to the other GOAT? "Good shot." Michael Phelps discussed his viral Masters moment when he stood behind Tiger Woods.
This is a compilation of stories from across the USA TODAY Network. Want this snappy news roundup in your inbox every night? Sign up for "The Short List."